A GIRL AND HER CAMERA

So recently I acquired a new camera. A Nikon DSLR D3400. I have no idea about cameras and taking pictures but one day I was browsing social media and I was thinking about life and my own dreams and hobbies. Most days I feel so far from having achieved my career goals despite all that schooling. It frustrates me on a daily basis which got me thinking about hobbies or what I really enjoy. I have enjoyed photos and reading blogs which actually lead me to starting this blog which I always neglect. You know that mean girl part of you that says "What you have is not good enough". Yes, those mean girl moments. I messaged my husband and said I want to buy a camera so I can just take pictures of anything and everything because I love pictures. There is something about capturing your own pictures and also looking at pictures other people have taken. It captures that exact moment that will never  be repeated again. That precious moment that you can hold on to.

Long story short, that weekend we went to get a camera (Lucky wife right here). He loves taking pictures too so it was kind of a win. Today, I enrolled myself into a short DSLR class starting next month and I am so excited. If my career goals, parenting life is on hold at the moment and not happening for me right now, I need to find a purpose in life and not just live day by day. I hope the class and this passion brings me some peace and happiness that most of us are searching for (or maybe it is just me). For now, here are some pictures I took on the day we got my camera. Enjoy!

Thinking about Loss

I know this may be mundane or not a very positive topic but I've been thinking about loss lately. All kinds of loss. Just this year, or in the last 3 months, I've had one family and one family friend pass away. They might have lived their lives and I know that they made an impact on everyone around them and it was sad to see them go but I was not there to say goodbye as I am here in Australia. It also made me think about my own grandparents and sometimes I wonder if living so far away is the right choice. I am not saying I regret my life decision in moving here as I love it here and I love my husband dearly but it gets hard somedays even though I have lived away from home for more than a decade.

Then there are those losses that come by in a split second when you least expect it and you are left wondering was it something I did? I am an avid fan of social media or really just instagram and one person's profile leads you to another and another and although most of their lives differ they sometimes have that one underlying story of loss. That loss I wished I didn't experience, that loss I wished friends close to me didn't either. The many different experiences of miscarriage. It's like you think you had something and then it gets taken away from you but its not a feeling like a material possession you bought and you were sad it's lost. Somedays I can explain it to myself and somedays I can't. Most days I just wish that when we do get pregnant again, I want to be one of those other 3/4 that makes it. Is that so much to ask for? I have so much anxiety around trying for a baby again that sometimes I just don't want to because I think what if it happens again? What if our baby dies again? I say it so easily that it scares me sometimes. This feeling of wishing for motherhood feels like its slipping away from me as the days go by but I guess nothing will happen until we try again. So here's me wishing myself luck in this process of making life.

That was my look of hope before I heard those words of " I am not liking what I am seeing". Words I pray and hope I never have to hear again.

From this day on....

I love writing my thoughts down in this online journal but always fail to do it often. Often is a understatement as my last post was over a year ago. Lots have happened in that year, as always. Sometimes I feel like my days all mesh into one and before I know it months have passed by. Last year started off with our wedding which was great and buying our little humble townhouse on the Gold Coast (YAY) but months after that I feel things just went downhill with not so great moments.

This year has been a challenge too but what's that they say- "Positivity" Somedays are so hard to stay positive but at the end of the day, I love coming back to my husband to our cosy house and sometimes with pee on the floors (Sasha!)

I hope to write every week. That's a goal I have set for myself so that over the years I have something to look back on and remember all those moment that have been meshed up into one. Till next time.

Shalini xx

Tea in all it's glory

Recently, I have been drinking so much tea. I have no idea why but its been my to go drink of choice. I always drink warm water so I decided to spice it up. A few weeks ago Zee and I went on our little or not so little food exploration ventures and decided to try CHA Tea Providores in the new 4217 at Surfers. I am in no way an expert food blogger or anything but I just love this place so much. I love the atmosphere, the tea and scones here. I have only tried the rose tea which is divine. It reminded me of the rose tea I usually get at TWG in Singapore. The service there is amazing too. Check out their whole range of teas on their website. I am so glad there is an amazing high tea place here on the Gold Coast. It's a dream come true.

Check out their website here: http://www.chatea.com.au/

Wedding Days

Originally I was going to dedicate a few posts about our Weddings but decided not to. Firstly, if you have been to an indian wedding you would know its long and there are more than a few processes involved in it. Secondly, we also had another wedding where I was lucky enough to wear the most beautiful traditional white dress which I also loved so therefore, instead of breaking them up, I am just going to post a few pictures which I love and share my special days here.

Thank you so much Darwin Gomez Photography for capturing our special day.

April's Chai

How is it already April? Some days I do feel that the days are slow and I am anxiously waiting for cooler days. If anyone know me at all, I really am not a fan of warm weather (Not sure what I am doing on the Gold Coast). It is starting to to cool down and I am loving it. Being April also means its getting closer to my family visiting in June and our honeymoon in July. Winter in New Zealand. I absolutely cannot wait.

This past few weeks I have been obsessed with soy chai lattes specificially the ones from Max Brenner. How I love Max Brenner so much. They are just absolutely divine. I wish I could make them at home so I went looking for alternatives that I could make myself and I came across T2's organic chai. I have always loved T2 and so glad there is a place here in Australia that is completely dedicated to just tea. I am so excited to try this out tonight and hope it lives up to my chaitastic expectations. Wish me luck!

Coming soon...

We received our wedding pictures today and I absolutely love it. I love the fact that all my family and friends are in them. I will update soon but here is a picture of us I love so much because I think we look so young (but we are quite old).