Then there are those losses that come by in a split second when you least expect it and you are left wondering was it something I did? I am an avid fan of social media or really just instagram and one person's profile leads you to another and another and although most of their lives differ they sometimes have that one underlying story of loss. That loss I wished I didn't experience, that loss I wished friends close to me didn't either. The many different experiences of miscarriage. It's like you think you had something and then it gets taken away from you but its not a feeling like a material possession you bought and you were sad it's lost. Somedays I can explain it to myself and somedays I can't. Most days I just wish that when we do get pregnant again, I want to be one of those other 3/4 that makes it. Is that so much to ask for? I have so much anxiety around trying for a baby again that sometimes I just don't want to because I think what if it happens again? What if our baby dies again? I say it so easily that it scares me sometimes. This feeling of wishing for motherhood feels like its slipping away from me as the days go by but I guess nothing will happen until we try again. So here's me wishing myself luck in this process of making life.
